'The Future of British Policing' by Mark Wilkinson

Dear Sir/Madam,

I note with interest your letter of the 14th suggesting that I am responsible for the recent spate of armed robberies in the area, and requesting that I attend a police station at my earliest possible convenience.

I also note with some alarm your statement that failure to do so will result in the authorisation of lethal force against me, and snipers being positioned outside my home.

Firstly, I would like to assure you that I have no connection to the extensive list of crimes that you presented in your letter.  Being 83 years old and largely housebound due to a failing hip, I suspect that even a British judge may challenge your assertion that I ‘outran several officers while clutching a holdall full of used notes’.  

Likewise, I have not been ‘larging it down the High Street like the big I Am’.  Although I did once leave the house to buy biscuits.

Unfortunately, due to the latest round of budget cuts, my nearest ‘Community Hub for Security’ is New Scotland Yard.  As a resident of Winchester and a non-driver, travel is somewhat difficult for me.  Would it be possible to arrange a home visit?  It is almost impossible for me to attend during your midnight to 2am opening hours (every other Wednesday) due to public transport limitations.

I would like to finish by assuring you that I have no intention of ‘bringing the rain’ (although lord knows the geraniums could do with it) or attempting to 'blow smoke up your arses’.  I have not smoked since 1997.  I must however respectfully register my opinion that policing in this country has not improved since Dreamworks took over responsibility for the officer training programme.

Yours faithfully,

Bertrand Cuthingbone (Retd.)

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

And... we're back!

Breathing Space by Joanna Campbell

Postcard by Kate Mahony