Don’t let apparently negative comments get you down. Take the ones that help, and forget the rest.
Does the introduction beguile the reader?
It might after all, not be important for us to know the Dai was drinking Guinness.
And who the fuck is Dai?
Showing and telling
Errors of diction
Not ‘enamoured with’ but ‘enamoured if’
Not ‘but he didn’t like it though’ but either ‘but he didn’t like it’ or ‘he didn’t like it though’.
Put this in italics ♫
Solidus or slash Ø
There’ll be camels en route and kif and jellabahs
May your night be sleepless
Your aim should be
not fog and tricks
but accuracy and magic.